You've got dreams, you know what you want, you spend hours coming up with ideas of what you're going to do, how you'll make things different and what it's all going to be like. But then it all comes to a standstill because you don't know how to take your dreams, plans and ideas into reality. You know what you want but you have no idea how to actually get it.
I was the same! I had my plans about how I was going to land my dream job in learning and development at a large firm, get promoted and after that, set up my own learning and coaching consultancy, but neither of these things happened for some time because I didn't actually know how to get what I wanted. It took three little but life-changing lessons for me to start getting what I want and I'm going to share them with you.
1. Tell people What You Want
So often, when we want something, we decide to keep really quiet about it and not tell anyone. Where's the sense in that? Often we feel afraid that we'll be judged or laughed at if we've said something out loud and it doesn't come to fruition. BUT, if we don't talk about our plans, how can people help us? When I wanted to be promoted, I kept it to myself, expecting my bosses to read my mind. I spoke about wanting to get involved in different projects but I never actually said 'I want to get promoted'. As soon as I spoke these words, things changed. I stopped being given projects that kept me where I was and I started on a trajectory towards promotion, working on projects that took me closer and closer to my goal. I said the words out loud and the universe conspired to make it happen.
What do you want? How are you keeping quiet about it?
2. Don’t apologise
All too often, we feel guilty about asking for what we want, so we apologise. We say something like: ‘I’m sorry to ask but……’ or ‘If not, it’s no problem’ (I’m guilty of this one, big time). We believe that apologising shows we’re being polite, but more often than not, it is perceived as unconfident by the other person. Unfortunately, we haven’t received great messages about getting what we want and we’re taught that asking for things is rude and presumptuous. It’s ok, most of us have received the same conditioning so it’s important to be aware of it without letting it dictate how we behave. Asking for what you want is completely right and acceptable so do it, and do not apologise for it. If you really can’t go cold turkey and need something to say, choose ‘Thank you’ over apologising, for example, ‘Thank you for considering my proposal’ as opposed to ‘If it’s not possible, it’s no big deal’.
3. How Can I Help You?
Something quite magical happens when we help other people get what they want. The more we support and champion others, the more good things come to us. I’m not talking about doing things for people because you want something in return, that won’t get you anywhere, I’m talking about genuinely helping others. As the great Zig Ziglar says, ‘“You will get all you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.” Let’s take my good self as an example, I am part of various local Facebook groups where members of the community ask for advice and recommendations and sell the odd table, scooter and Ikea kitchen. The other night, someone asked if anyone knew a local coach to a group of 6,000 people. My friend saw the post and suggested me, the lady who runs the cleaning company I use then commented and said, ‘Yes, Holly is lovely’, another local entrepreneur also sang my praises as did a client. There were a couple of other suggestions, but looking at the responses, it looked like I was THE coach to go to in the area. The reason I got so many people mentioning me is because along the line I have championed these women and helped them, in some way, to get what they want.
We all have things that we want, but we often find it very difficult to make them happen. This is largely due to the unhelpful messages we’ve received from society and our parents. Many of us have been brought up to believe that we need to suppress what we want and get what we’re given, that having big ideas and big dreams is too risky and that the views and opinions of others are most important. These beliefs are holing us back from getting what we want, so make sure you’re aware of whatever belief systems are whirring around your brain and make a conscious effort to see them as just that, outdated conditioning and not reality. Use these three tips to help you, and if you need any further help or clarification, please get in touch, I’d love to hear from you!
Holly is a Career and Mindset Coach, helping people to shift their mindset and start making decisions that feel right. To find out more and have a chat, please get in touch